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Title: Confidential Information
Author: M snowym
Pairing: InuKai
Rating: PG
Warnings: Undescriptive kissing, oh my!
Word Count: 1876
#5 - Love for 30_cracks
Note: Beta'd by disutansu. I'm so SO blessed by your presence, you wouldn't believe. Don't refute it Helen, because you know you can't. *nodnod*
Special thanks: Someone wrote "I popped my callor" on the break table at work, and I stared at it for awhile before I got struck with this idea. What the hell does "I popped my callor" mean anyway? *SO probably doesn't want to know* ^^. Sankyuu mysterious table graffiti person at work.

Kaidoh Kaoru was bored.

And frustrated.

And angry.

And confused.

And he was a bunch of other things as well. Recently, he found out something else that he was.

Kaidoh Kaoru was gay.

Despite how many different times and ways he tried to refute this, it all came back to, that yes, Kaidoh thought Inui’s butt looked really good in his green track pants. On the other hand, Kaidoh thought that Inui’s butt would look even better with them off...

Kaidoh slammed his head as hard as he could down onto the seat he was laying on as penance. Too bad the seat was cushioned, that’s not a very good punishment. He pinched his arm really hard instead.

“Itai,” Kaidoh acknowledged dully.

‘Damn Inui and his really good looking butt, and his tall... umm... manliness,’ Kaidoh thought, rubbing his sore arm.

How dare he make Kaidoh gay? Life had never treated Kaidoh fair before, and it didn’t look like it was about to start now.

Not that he minded being in... love with Inui... Kaidoh blushed profusely at the fateful “L”-word. It was just that it was quite difficult to get over the fact that they were both boys. He was still in a state of shock, you could say.

Kaidoh slammed his head once more onto the seat bench. As his eyes slightly rolled from the impact, he gazed at the bottom of the table.

Takeshi was here.

For a good time, call 0739-43-3333 ^_~.

Yumi <3’s Nimura!

Now that Kaidoh looked more closely, a lot of people hearted someone.

It wasn’t fair. Kaidoh was in heart... err-- love, and yet he couldn’t tell anyone. If he did, it would surely get back around to Inui. It saddened Kaidoh a bit that he had no such confidant. The closest thing that he had to a confidant was, well, Inui. And yeah, if he told him, that’d defeat the whole purpose of not telling Inui.

He toyed with the idea of telling someone anyway. Surely there was someone he could confide in. He played with the raggedy seat covering of the booth he was laying in, as he became lost in thought.

Kikumaru? Kaidoh grimaced. The acrobatic boy surely wouldn’t be able to latch onto Inui quick enough. He could already hear the hundred miles a minute babble about everlasting love and what the possibility would be of them allowing him to be a bridesmaid at the imminent wedding.

If Kaidoh told Fuji, the tensai would immediately get that scary calculating smile on his face. That would just end up in a lot of bloodshed and tears, and he definitely didn’t want to be pulled into one of Fuji’s schemes.

Could he tell Echizen? He’d probably keep silent... No way, he was friends with that baka Momoshiro. He would eventually find out somehow, and the last of his pride would fly out the window as the world found out Kaidoh’s feelings via crude puns about Kaidoh liking Inui’s juice.

Ok, maybe he couldn’t tell anyone. But dammit, he really wanted this off his chest.

Kaidoh glanced at the underside of the table.

’I’m so not doing this...’ Kaidoh muttered, obviously in denial, as he grabbed a pen from his pocket.

Kaidoh <3’s Inui.

There it was for all the world to see, inside a big heart right between a wad of blue chewing gum and Tachi sucks. It was out now. Kaidoh wondered if this counted as coming out. He doubted it.

“You better not tell anyone. No one messes with Kaidoh Kaoru!” Kaidoh said fiercely to the one surface in this world that knew his secret, and proceeded to jab it with his finger. It glared back, but decided not to mess with Kaidoh Kaoru (or so Kaidoh liked to think).

“Umm... Here’s your food.”

Kaidoh quickly jerked upward into a sitting position.

“Ah, arigato.” Kaidoh looked up at the waitress apprehensively. “How long were you--”

“Not long... Were you... umm...” the waitress fidgeted nervously with a menu, “talking to the--”

“No.” Kaidoh narrowed his eyes.

“Oh. Well, enjoy your meal then.” She walked away, glancing back nervously every few moments. After eating his food, he grabbed his stuff and stood.

“Tell no one.”

He headed out of the restaurant, glaring over a shoulder at his new confidant.

The next day of school was going rather strangely. Was everyone looking at him? Looking up angrily, yet another group of girls quickly turned away in a fit of giggles. What the hell. His paranoia grew.

A hand flew out of nowhere, latching onto his arm, dragging him into an empty classroom.

“Yaaaaahhhhhh!” Kaidoh shrieked. A hand clamped over his mouth, sufficiently silencing him. ’Inui?’ he thought in surprise, finally identifying his assailant. The hand was quickly removed.

“Senpai, what’s going on?” He wanted to know, dammit. Today was getting to be a bit too weird. Not that he minded being all alone with Inui... Kaidoh blushed. He could still feel the warmth from his senpai’s hand on his skin.

“Let me see your hand.”

Kaidoh absentmindedly lifted his palm towards Inui. This was definitely like a dream. Maybe he would suddenly realize he was in his underwear or something.

He felt a few scritching movements across his palm, and looked at Inui questioningly. Inui just gave him the barest of smiles. He let go of his kouhai’s hand and tucked his pen back into his pocket. Rather curious, Kaidoh lifted up his hand to see what was written. He blinked, and then looked again. He stared at Inui. He stared at his hand once more.

Inui <3’s Kaidoh. In a big heart on the palm of his hand. All the blood in his entire system suddenly beelined to his cheeks. He stared dumbfoundedly up at his senpai, who was also blushing.

“It’s 100% true, you know.”

“Yeah.” Kaidoh ducked his head in embarassment. Words like these were hard to say. Luckily Inui had a pen. Kaidoh mentally snorted at his own bad joke.

Kaidoh looked up as he once again felt warmth. Inui took his hands in his own, pulling them close together. The press of palm and chest was addicting. Kaidoh leaned in closer, letting go of Inui’s hands, placing them along his back instead.

“Kaidoh.”

Kaidoh raised his head from Inui’s shoulder, and his eyes locked with Inui’s. He didn’t look for long though, as eyelids slowly slid shut of their own accord.

So warm.

Kaidoh smiled into the contact. His first kiss. His first kiss with Inui. To risk sounding cliche, Kaidoh hoped that he’d never wake up, because this most definitely had to be a dream.

Kaidoh’s eyes snapped open, suddenly mortified.

The dream screached to a rather abrupt halt. His grip tightened on Inui’s back, quite painfully in Inui’s opinion.

“Itai, Kaidoh, what’s wrong? Itai. Stop... please?”

“You know!” Kaidoh flailed, nearly knocking Inui’s glasses off with a spasming arm. “The heart, the gum, the love, and... It told you, didn’t it?! I told it not to tell you. Oh my god. Oh my god. Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygo--”

TWHACK!

“Kaidoh calm down.” Inui gently rubbed Kaidoh’s cheek from where he’d had to slap him. Kaidoh collapsed into a hissing pile on Inui’s chest, looking about fit to die. “I love you, okay? Does it really matter if I know you wrote that on the table?..... And what ‘it’ told me? What’s ‘it?’”

“The table,” Kaidoh said in a small voice.

“You were talking to a--”

“No.” Kaidoh’s eyes narrowed.

“Oh... Well, yes... I suppose the table did tell us.” Inui stroked Kaidoh’s hair, half playing along, half trying to soothe him. His calculation of 99.6% hadn’t been incorrect, to Inui’s dissatisfaction. Of course Kaidoh would react negatively.

Kaidoh flailed again. “Us?! Who else knows?!”

Inui definitely shouldn’t have let that slip. He fixed his knocked-askew glasses. Oh well, the fitful boy would find out soon anyway. “Well,to put it lightly... everyone.”

And suddenly the whole day started to make a lot more sense. All the slightly concealed stares. The giggling. Fuji’s fear-inducing smile. Being wished “The best of luck, nyan!” from Kikumaru (he knew that statement couldn’t have just been about his upcoming test).

Both boys stilled as they heard an obnoxiously loud voice in the hall.

“And you wouldn’t believe my surprise when I looked under the table of my normal booth. I wanted to check if my ’Takeshi was here’ message was still there, and in this big heart--”

Inui quickly calculated a 14.5% chance of Kaidoh grabbing his pen and stabbing someone with it. He tucked it further down into his pocket to make sure that proved difficult. He was quickly relieved and surprised when Kaidoh chose a different course of action.

Kaidoh rocked up onto his toes, placing a light kiss on Inui’s lips. “I love you too,” Kaidoh reaffirmed the already known fact. “Meet me after school, you can walk me home or something.” Inui nodded dumbly, watching the other boy march out of the empty classroom, whom was seething and muttering things like ‘should’ve known he wrote that’ and ‘ARGH!’

“There’s a 91.8% chance that if we make it through this situation, we’ll make it through anything. Ii data...” Inui pushed up his glasses, cheeks still a bright shade of red from the adorably sexy kiss his new boyfriend just bestowed upon him.

Momo carried on, “--and it said ’Kaidoh loves Inui’. He must like the taste of Inui juice or something, haha--”

“Yo, baka!” Kaidoh called, balling the hand Inui had just written on into a fist. With a satisfying crack, Momoshiro was on the ground, clutching the side of his face. “Urusai. I’m tired of listening to your yammering.”

“Stupid mamushi...” Momo said, while his friends backed away. Kaidoh glared, which shut him up pretty quickly. With an annoyed ‘fffffshhhuuuuu,’ the ‘mamushi’ stalked away.

People still stared, but no one tried too hard to mess with Kaidoh about his relationship, especially after news of that incident got around. Kaidoh made a mental note to write “Momo is a baka” on the table next time he went to that restaurant. If it wasn’t going to be a good confidant and keep his secrets, he might as use it to his advantage.

Kaidoh Kaoru was gay. He loved Inui, and Inui loved him, and they would definitely be okay, despite outward forces of sheer stupidity like Momo. Sure, everyone knew, but at least he didn’t have to bottle it up anymore.

Plus, he had Inui. He used to think it was imperative that Inui not didn’t find out his secret, but he was glad the cat was out of the bag now. Kaidoh smiled, as they walked to his house after school, hands linked together.

Inui squeezed his hand. Hand holding was great and all, but he wondered how long it would be until he got to see Inui without his track pants on.

“Want to come over to my place for awhile, senpai?”

“Sure.”

Not too long at all. Kaidoh smiled happily.

Author’s note: No, really. For a good time, call 0739-43-3333. Its an amusement park in Shirihama, Japan called Adventure World. Ahahah. *is so witty* disutansu totally changed my plot in the end. I so did not remember that Takeshi was Momo's first name ^^;, it was just a random name I had picked out. But the plot (plot?) is better for using that, so SANKYU HELEN ^^!

Comments

( 41 comments — Leave a comment )
kishmet
Jun. 10th, 2005 05:59 pm (UTC)
YOU. ARE. A. GENIUS. It was crack-y, it was fluffy, it was cute, it made me go ^______________________^ and XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love it!!!!!! ZOMG, Kaidoh's line:
"I told it not to tell you!" and he's all freaking out XDDDDD I loved that XDDDDDD
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 08:04 pm (UTC)
YeSH!!11one321~!!!!! This is immensely exciting. I get called a genius, in caps no less. *throws confetti on this wondrous occasion* ^___^.

I thought I would bring my love of talking to inanimate objects into a fic. I could so see Kaidoh doing it, he so has the ability to just SNAP at any moment ^^.
(Deleted comment)
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 08:07 pm (UTC)
Yay, thank you ^^.

O.O. *hides Momo from you* ^^
(Deleted comment)
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 09:34 pm (UTC)
Hai, hai, I agree, Momo is fun to fwap ^^;. *wants to do so more in the future*

That is a nice icon right there ^___^. *lurves on that dance*
joshua_glass
Jun. 10th, 2005 06:11 pm (UTC)
*dies laughing* I can totally see Kaidoh being mad at the table...

Morro I love you. Be my third wife?
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 08:09 pm (UTC)
Hahaha! I have once again tricked you into laughing with my scariness. *spoo~ky!*

Oh SS, I'm so honored! But... I cannot be anyone's 3rd wife. Its my dream to be someone's 12th wife, so when you get 9 more, come back and see me, 'kay?
joshua_glass
Jun. 10th, 2005 10:47 pm (UTC)
LMFAO I'll keep you in mind if I ever get eight more wives.
plesio
Jun. 10th, 2005 07:12 pm (UTC)
Aw, that was sweet, especially Kaidoh in all his cute insecurity ^_^. I wondered about the "Takeshi was here" 'cause Momo's first name is Takeshi, but then I thought, "He always tells people to call him Momo-chan, so he'd probably write "Momo was here" instead, but it kept niggling at me, and I was right! Heh, Stupid Peach, though it helped them out in this case XD.
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 08:12 pm (UTC)
Yay, I'm glad you liked it ^^. *is all heartened and stuff* I so did not notice the Takeshi thing at first. disutansu pointed it out to me when I had her read it over for me, and I was taken aback. It deserved immediate place'age in the plot, and the ending was completely changed ^^;.
akatonbo
Jun. 10th, 2005 07:23 pm (UTC)
*snickers*

If Kaidou were sneakier he would have written 'Kaoru <3 Sadaharu'.
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 08:15 pm (UTC)
But I refuse to make him that sneaky, so there you have it ^__^. Mwhahaha!
mirai4
Jun. 10th, 2005 07:32 pm (UTC)
LOL!!

I -so- love a spazzin'-out Kaidoh. <3

:P

Awesome fanfiction as usual! I'm always looking forward to cool InuKai fics like these~ :3
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 08:26 pm (UTC)
As do I ^^. Its the most fun Kaidoh to write in my opinion. *will definitely write him that way more in the future*

Aww, sankyu ^^. *bows* That statement just made me feel all glittery and special-like, yay ^^! *throws confetti*
ryu_no_sora
Jun. 10th, 2005 07:42 pm (UTC)
*laughs* That was adorable! Kaidoh is so squishy. XDD He needs to go back and teach that table a lesson!
Good job~ ^o^
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 08:24 pm (UTC)
Isn't hee though? ^__^ *squeeeeeshes him* Sankyu for the compliment! *bows*
jgal87
Jun. 10th, 2005 07:44 pm (UTC)
god.... I fainted....XD
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 08:00 pm (UTC)
o.O *holds smelling salts under your nose* Even though I knocked you into unconsciousness with my scary writing, I'll take that little XD face as a good thing, so thank you for reading it ^^.
disutansu
Jun. 10th, 2005 07:49 pm (UTC)
OMG KAIDOH YOU NAUGHTY THING! YOU WANTED TO GET INTO INUI'S PANTS ALL ALONG DIDN'T YOU!? SO YOU CAN'T BLAME THE TABLE OR MOMO... not really anyway. XD FLAILING!KAIDOH! *ATTEMPTS TO FLAIL LIKE KAIDOH* *FAILS* Ah darn. XD WRITE MORE M! 'CAUSE YOU MUST!! *FLAILS HELEN-LIKE*
(Deleted comment)
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 08:16 pm (UTC)
Helen flailing looks like a puppy flailing. *nodnod*
disutansu
Jun. 12th, 2005 01:55 am (UTC)
I've been told I flail like a puppy.. XD So yeah... *flails puppy-like*
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 08:19 pm (UTC)
He so did ^^. Helen, you always manage to see through my flimsy plot devices, I'm so proud ^_______^! Kaidoh is the coolest flailer in the world. He should definitely flail more often.

*watches you HelenPuppy!flail* ^_____^!!! *joins in the flailing, and PurpleOctopusM!flail's*
disutansu
Jun. 12th, 2005 10:24 am (UTC)
LOL I'm just psychic is all. *strikes pose*

Flail Kaidoh, flail! *puppy!flails* XD Kaidoh really should flail more. X3
honorbound
Jun. 10th, 2005 08:25 pm (UTC)
Waah! That's adorable! ^__^

And Inui and Kaidoh have to make Kikumaru a bridesmaid at their wedding. ::laugh::
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 09:33 pm (UTC)
I would figure they'd be more likely to have Renji and Karupin as the bridesmaids ^^.
ad_exia
Jun. 10th, 2005 09:24 pm (UTC)
Heh, that table gets around, doesn't it! XD

Really awesome. Muchly liked it!
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 09:31 pm (UTC)
It does indeed, that whore. *whaps table* Ooowww, my hand! *mourns*

Yay, I'm glad you liked it ^^.
arctic_dragon
Jun. 10th, 2005 09:46 pm (UTC)
OOOOOO!!!!
Kaidoh angsting over Inui's pants his sexual orientation.
Kaidoh talking to a table...(and the waitress running for her life)
Kaidoh contemplating getting into Inui's pants the development of his relationship.
*SQUEES and is overly happy*
(I really should stop snickering out loud)
Adorable and way too amusing.
^_^
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 10:25 pm (UTC)
Yay, I'm muchly glad you liked it ^_^! *bows deeply*
akakurogin
Jun. 10th, 2005 10:27 pm (UTC)
How dare he make Kaidoh gay?
XD That line made me crack up. <333s
And the rest of it was terrific as well. >D
snowym
Jun. 10th, 2005 10:33 pm (UTC)
Yay, sankyu ^^. O.o. I need to go read your fic as well, I just saw it on my f!list a moment ago. *runs to read* Yay for crack!fics ^^.
twinstar87
Jun. 11th, 2005 07:52 am (UTC)
aww it's so adorable. i wanna know what happens next! XD

much love! <333333
snowym
Jun. 11th, 2005 11:52 am (UTC)
I'll tell you what happens next. Kaidoh lures Inui into his room, tears off his green track pants, and then they smex. Or something like that. That's what my brain tells me anyway ^^;. Mwhahahaha ^_______^!

Eeeee, I'm happy you liked it ^^! *glomple*
wickedmuffin
Jun. 11th, 2005 02:54 pm (UTC)
cuuuuu~te! *lufs on kaido* the "Hand holding was great and all, but he wondered how long it would be until he got to see Inui without his track pants on." line killed me XD I read it to my roommate and she died too <3!
snowym
Jun. 11th, 2005 08:48 pm (UTC)
Yay ^^! *is glad you thought it was cute* I'm glad you thought that part was funny, its one of my fav parts of this ^^.
rikunghts
Jun. 12th, 2005 03:51 pm (UTC)
*spazzes and then promptly dies* XDDDD OMG I loved it so much *snerks*
snowym
Jun. 14th, 2005 11:09 am (UTC)
o.O. *revives you* ANOTHER ONE! Whyyyyyyy must I kill so many? *mourns the dead*

Yay, I'm glad you liked it ^^. *sparkly*
takki
Jun. 13th, 2005 04:40 am (UTC)
*spasm*

ZOMG LOVE <3! I can so see Kaidoh boomerang-snake-ing the table o______o!

"FFFFSHHHHHHHHHUUU! YOU TOLD. YOU LYING ---"
*everyone stares*

XD
heart_of_butter
Jun. 13th, 2005 09:04 pm (UTC)
FYI...To pop one's collar means to basically un-fold the collar and leave it stiffly standing at the neck. Very chic right now in men's fashion, especially with the metrosexual set. <3

http://images.google.com/images?q=Popped+Collar&hl=en
( 41 comments — Leave a comment )

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