July 31st, 2008

M is under construction

faults + happy family moment + last orthodontist appointment

Before stepping out of my car while parked in the mall parking lot, I spent about 5 minutes screaming and flailing. I felt better afterward, yay ^o^. It was like agony waking up the morning, but that's what I get for going to sleep at 4am and waking up at 6:30am. I'm so freaking insecure lately, that every time I close my eyes to go to bed at a decent time, all I see are my faults and inabilities wheeling through my head...

*sobsob* I just want to sleeeep... but instead, I end up staying awake 'til stupid o'clock most nights, because I'm more terrified of being alone in my head than what will happen if I pass out at work from sleep deprivation.

M, SNAP OUT OF YOUR SELF-LOATHING FUNK, OKAY? No one's happy when you're like this, especially you, okayz? *pokepoke*


On a less schizophrenic note, I had weird quality family time a couple days ago. And by "weird quality family time," I mean that we had quality family time. Odd odd odd. My mom was playing the piano, and I said something like "Oh wow, you're practicing?" And of course she got offended, because she doesn't practice, she PERFORMS. She plays better when someone sings the lyrics, though (she was playing all the popular songs from when she was younger), so before I know it I'm singing along with her, and my dad's laughing at our clamorous duet XD;...

We haven't played and sang around the piano since I was a little kid, so it made me happy that that happened ^^... me and my parents are at odds a lot, but it's nice to have those moments where you feel completely at peace around each other. It's nice making some good memories before I head off to Japan, and don't see everyone for a long time <3...


And yay, yesterday I had my last orthodontist appointment before going to Japan ^o^. I just had him tighten my retainer, so the appointment only lasted about 5 minutes, but I wanted to do it so that the chance that anything will go wrong with the retainer lessens.

Man, if anyone's had teeth drama throughout their life, it's me XD;. Braces THREE TIMES... teeth growing in on top of each other... even a tooth coming in near the middle of the roof of my mouth (how is that POSSIBLE?)... I'm so glad that my teeth look decent now. I saw a picture of me smiling my huge dorky smile when I was younger, and cringed... no wonder my brother used to call me shark-teeth XD;;;. NO MORE! I have pretty almost-straight teeth now, hooray <3.


Lol, that's all for now XD;. *shuts up*