M (snowym) wrote,

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Last night, disutansu was typing up some articles she had submitted to her school newspaper (which were awesome, good job in smacking down that guy Helen ^^), and got me all nostalgic about my crappy stories I wrote for my school newspaper ^^. And lo and behold, when I was going through my room in my parent's house, throwing junk into the trash, I found an issue of my high school's newspaper, the last one of my high school career. I'm posting it here, so I when I lose this issue (which is inevitable, because I lose everything), I can look the story up here my LJ, and remember how stupid I was and still am ^^.

How many quaking aspens do you have?
Don't join a cult!

For my final story of the year, I've been assigned a farewell story. Obviously, many people don't know what farewell means, so I took it upon myself to unearth the meaning of this mystery word. Thank goodness there's a dictionary on MSN.com, or else we'd never find out.

Fare means the amount charged for a journey. And well means a source of a freely and abundantly available supply of something. Well, its obvious now what farewell means.

Farewell is a Latin term of ye old times, used when pertaining to matters of school. It means in order to tap into abundant supply of knowledge available (aka we're here by law), you must pay for it with over a decade of the best years of your life, your sanity, and of course, your first-born child.

While this may seem unfair at first, I can assure you that it is for the best. I know from personal experience that school can do wonders for any human being. In my years of school, I've learned many important things that are crucial to anyone's well-being, such as: sleeping while "reading," resting with my eyes open, and of course, the always neccessary passing out while sitting in an upright position.

Eventually, through the many grueling years, you may start to hang out with people who are in your own predicament. These people are called friends. I looked up the word Friend, which is a member of the Religious Society of Friends, called Quakers. So then I typed in quaker, and that apparently means a quaking aspen. That's when I got confused. This whole time, my friends have belonged to a religious cult that worships quivering trees? Well, the way they act, I guess that makes sense. But still, I've been in danger by shivering tree fanatics for my whole high school career. Therefore, the moral of the story is to NEVER get friends, for you will be in danger of being converted and forced into a mass suicide attempt, where everyone will eat stripped aspen bark unil they convulse to death.

I wish I'd been assigned a story about having to say goodbye. That would've been much easier than writing a farewell story, sheash. Oh well. In case you're not very smart, goodbye means... Argh, MSN.com betrayed me! It evidently means farewell. Now it tells me. I guess everything kind of makes sense, though. I'm a little embarrassed; I wrote that whole story about the wrong thing. How can I finish up this article without looking like a total idiot? Umm... Oh, I know! Drugs are bad, stay in school, and beware of small children (also known as los niños pequeños in the Spanish language). Sayonara!
Tags: stories

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